Just Wondering 3

My wife says women have escaped foot-binding and corsets only to wear shoes that look like medieval torture devices and clothes that are so tight they can’t move. That’s progress.

She also says people are always looking for someone who can think outside the box. She’s still trying to find someone who can think inside the box.

Ever notice how in commercials and sitcoms 99 percent of the men are dolts and 99 percent of the women are brilliant?

Who else is tired of Jim Carrey movies?

I’d say Jim Carrey is a foul-mouthed version of Robin Williams, but I’ve heard Robin Williams in concert.

Show me a comedian who depends on a potty mouth to get a laugh and I’ll show you a comic who isn’t funny.

So the newspaper editor who dropped Michelle Malkin’s conservative column called her an “Asian Ann Coulter”? I guess that makes him a Caucasian “Dumb and Dumberer.”

Remember when it was easy to turn stuff on and off? We had things called switches. Now we have computers that lock up and must be rebooted, stereos that need a remote, and televisions that have to communicate with the VCR and DVD player. Even the lights have dimmers.

Guthrie’s law of complexity: Things will become more and more complex until they don’t work at all.

Back when I was a kid, I thought the 21st century would be a lot like “The Jetsons,” with people flying around using jetpacks. Chicago’s perpetual road construction seems more like something out of the 19th century.

My wife remembers when teens used to spend hours talking on the phone. Now they send text messages.

Cell phones and pagers used to be for real estate agents and doctors. Now fifth-graders have them.

Do kids really need cell phones? What are they talking about?

I don’t want to be reachable 24/7, and I don’t need unlimited anytime minutes.

When I think about how utterly clueless I was before I got married, it’s frightening. What did she see in me?

Signposts on the way to maturity: high school diploma; college degree; paying rent; working for a living; getting married; graduate degree; buying a home; cleaning the bathrooms without being asked; having children; accepting yourself; helping others; worrying about your parents; keeping your kids intact through high school.

Parents who obsess about their children getting into the right preschool need to chill out.

Kids usually don’t break.

For the most part, kid videos are the last refuge of the untalented and unimaginative.

When kids lose their cool, don’t lose yours.

Being a parent means always having to say you’re sorry.

Who says theology is impractical? The doctrine of original sin has been empirically verified every day of human existence.

Pain and pleasure are brothers who travel together.

If “thou shalt not covet” is the Tenth Commandment, why do we Christians always “covet your prayers”?

Speaking of Christian clichés, will someone please take that poor frog out of the kettle?